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Almost out of the mud

I write about feeling bad or feeling in pain a lot. I tend to tell stories of how I navigate pain and real life experiences using whatever tools work for me. I do this because we have this in common and Its crucial that we tell the truth if not to the world then at least to ourselves. shit hurts, we are frequently filled with self doubt and feel defeated, none of us are alone in this.

We have more in common than we might realize;

we all want to feel love

we all want to feel happiness

we all feel pain

we all have stories

we all have dreams

When I write I want to touch on all of this. We are all walking around with these weights and oftentimes we really arent sure what it is we are supposed to do with any of them.

No mud No lotus

When we are in the mud we really cant see why we landed there, whats the purpose of this gross mud and we might not know how to get out but eventually we do. In some cases we dont look back, we wash off and keep it moving and in other cases we ponder and reflect. I am a big reflector. What helps me in many of my situations today is believing that there is a reason and a purpose for everything I go through even though I may not know what it is at the time, blind faith is usually at work. When we stay open we emerge, we dont just get through it.

I have been a trainer/coach/recreation therapist for 24 years, I see the thread and the abandoned bridges we dont cross. We dont see that these healing processes that are available to us actually have deeper meaning. The hammer can do a lot more than simply hit a nail. These practical tools can actually bring us healing, peace, joy, some of the things that we are all searching for. I see that my purpose as I walk out of this mud is to illuminate how this process can work for everyone who lands in the mud (all of us).

I am not out of the mud all the way but I am far enough out that I can reach a hand back and help another person move closer to the edge.

I am roughly 8 months out of my divorce. I was with my husband for 24 years (more than half of my life), Until I went through it I never realized what soul shaking pain can come from it. I have many friends who went through it, I knew it was hard but I never expected my soul to shake. During the dark months I made my life smaller so I could heal and take care of my kids, they were hurting too. I pulled a lot off my plate and was very selective with what stayed on. I am very spiritual and believed that the universe would help me, it did, I was enveloped by the most amazing friends god has ever created. They circled the wagons and I was reminded about the importance of social well being. Something I now believe to be essential.

I have spent months in the mud and some days I am closer to the edge of the mud pond and some days I am sinking in the middle, thats normal, healing isnt linear and this will likely always hurt on some level.

I meditate every morning and I listen for guidance. In mediation I realized that my work as I emerged was meant to be sharing my stories of using tools and walking over bridges so that I could help other people to do the same. I knew I was going to need to be transparent.

These bridges, these tools, they have so much usefulness. these arent just things that we "should" do, these arent things that need to hang over our head reminding us of everything we arent doing, these are things that can actually connect us to what we are truly seeking. We get tired of feeling bad and landing is situations that consistently make us feel bad. We have control over some of that. We have control over our own actions and our own attitudes. We can honor our pain and our process as we heal so we arent doomed to keep living in pain.

My purpose is now to expose bridges and show people how to walk over them, which definitely makes more sense to me. Fitness and health have always encompassed physical, emotional, spiritual and mental health.

All of my blogs will illustrate compassionate action and varying degrees and methods of caring for ourselves.So here we begin our adventures of walking over bridges with our hammers that are meant for more than nailing things shut.


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Powerful words that touched me deeply! Thank you Jess... who even in pain is a source of truth and light for others. You are amazing

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