False hope and Lies-“What a toxic damn relationship” part 2 of 6
We just want to be happy. How did we land here? Why do we feel so bad? Did we fall for the same game again? How?
Did you fall for the same lies yet again? Stop blaming yourself. It’s not your fault, you were desperate after having your hopes crushed again. Am I talking about another fuckin diet or a toxic relationship. If the two are basically interchangeable that proves my point. If you missed #1 in this series click here
We need to feel hope so we dont see the lies, we are being manipulated. Victims are groomed over years of being broken down, built up, gaslighted and led astray. Ride with me on this one. If you think back to your history with the diet industry couldn’t you say the same? In a toxic relationship the person in the power position rarely cares about who they hurt, they only care about how they are benefitting, same as this sick ass diet industry.
I have been in this industry for a long time and When I began as a personal trainer I was all about weight loss, muscle gain, no excuses and beast mode. I was not versed in research and I was overly confident. At one point I was even one of those multi level marketing sales reps, today they all call themselves coaches, calling themselves sales reps would be too obvious. I worked for a company and got my clients to buy into the solution I was selling by convincing them they had a problem that only this product would fix, (god I am so embarrassed). I started to burn out. I felt like I was part of something that was harming people, I was. I was coaching people from a cracked foundation. I didn’t have enough education to be truly helpful and I was still struggling with my own body image and relationship to food. How could I be of any help to anyone this way? I realized that I was now one of these coaches/trainers who I had been putting on a pedestal assuming they knew everything because they looked good. If I was now one of them and I was feeling flawed then that meant that they too were flawed and maybe shouldn’t be on that pedestal after all.
Most people who end up as coaches or trainers came into this field through a fitness or weight loss obsession of their own, I am no different. I remember taking dexatrim, popular in the 80’s, I was probably 10 years old. Next I was onto slim fast, I did the cabbage soup diet, slim fast shakes, I had to be thin. I believed girls had to have perfect bodies. By 15 years old I was binge eating, probably grew that lovely habit from all the restrictive dieting. I danced on the outskirts of disordered eating for years. Inevitably I ended up quite heavy with a bigger problem than when I started. Why, Because I was impressionable and the fitness industry convinced me that I had a problem that I never really had.
Fast forward, years into the same cycle of daily mental obsession. I started to work on my relationship to food and a lightbulb went on, I felt a sense of relief and power. A very important tool that empowered me was the word “WHY”. I started to question the reasons behind whatever idea was being sold whether it was a diet or an ideal. I began to dig in on what I was being sold. In the past I would automatically put myself in a submissive role and out every fit pro, diet or supplement on a pedestal as being the ones that held the golden ticket. It was only when I started allowing myself to question, protecting my mental health and working on my relationship with food that everything started clicking into place.
When we are desperate, we believe that whatever anyone is selling will fix us. And when that fix doesn’t actually fix we end up where we started or worse. {Insert shitty diet or toxic relationship here, they are both interchangeable when we look at it through these glasses}
It may sound to you that I am slamming dieting, not at all. I am also not anti relationships. I think diets can be very useful, NOT toxic bullshit ones. I think relationships can be wonderful, not toxic bullshit ones. I am happily married and I diet. I am specifically targeting toxic diet culture and the diet industry as a business NOT the process of dieting from a solid foundation.
If you choose to diet maybe run it through a system of checks and balances to see if the diet you are considering is perhaps a wolf in sheep’s clothing. What are some similarities between toxic diets and toxic relationships?
Is it a toxic diet?
Is it selling you something, (Whats in it for the diet?)
Did this diet find some magical new herb or root that only they have ? (because thats bullshit)
Does this diet cause suffering? (super lo cal)
Is the diet hard to adhere to? (remove entire food groups)
Is it promising to the only solution ? (make you happy)
Is it promising abs easily? (I love that one)
If the diet doesn’t work for you is it 100% your fault? (nope)
Does it sound fucking crazy? (BECAUSE IT IS!)
Is it a toxic relationship?
Are you being sold lies? (what’s in it for them)
Is this person claiming that nobody loves you like they do? (because thats bullshit)
Do you find yourself sad a lot? (mostly suffering)
Is this relationship disrupting your life instead of adding value to it? (hard to adhere to)
Is this person dangling shiny and sparkly promises in front of your face? (false hope)
If something is wrong are you ALWAYS at fault? (nope)
Does this person sound so crazy that now you think you might be fucking crazy? (manipulation)
If you are considering a new relationship take that same system of checks and balances and run it through. If it doesn’t pass run like hell. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck then honey, that’s a duck.